Hi, I'm M-Osman
|
Converting coffee and Stack Overflow answers into somewhat functional code. I'll fix your bugs and probably create three more in the process.
Barely Surviving Burnout
I'm a self-taught developer drowning in tutorial hell, desperately trying to ship code that doesn't crash in production. Currently accepting therapy recommendations and debugging sessions.
My Journey
Started coding in 2022 because someone said "learn to code, they said. It'll be fun, they said." Now I spend 60% of my time reading error messages, 30% on Stack Overflow, and 10% questioning my life choices. My LinkedIn says "Full Stack" but honestly I'm just full of anxiety.
I've worked with startups who paid me in "equity" (spoiler: worthless), freelance clients who expect Tesla for a Honda budget, and spent countless nights wondering why my code works on localhost but explodes in production. Still can't center a div without Googling it.
Core Technologies
It's not a bug, it's a feature I didn't know I was building until it went to production.
What I Pretend to Do
Half-baked solutions that technically meet requirements. Comes with bugs, regret, and existential crisis.
Web Development
I build websites that mostly work. Responsive on desktop and mobile, though I test on my laptop and hope for the best.
- Looks Good on Chrome
- Mobile? Sure, probably
- Slow but Functional
- CSS I Copied from Codepen
Mobile Development
React Native apps that drain your battery and occasionally crash. But hey, one codebase!
- Works on My Phone
- Performance: It Depends
- Notifications Sometimes
- App Store Rejection Speedrun
AI Integration
I call OpenAI APIs and pretend I understand machine learning. $200/month API costs not included.
- ChatGPT Wrapper
- Reads API Docs
- if/else Automation
- Expensive Tokens
Backend Development
Cobbling together endpoints that work until you have more than 10 users. No scaling plan included.
- REST-ish APIs
- Firebase (I guess)
- Auth Bugs Galore
- N+1 Query Specialist
Cloud Solutions
Deploy to Vercel and pray. AWS is too scary. Your bills might get expensive but I warned you.
- Free Tier Hunter
- Heroku Dyno Sleep Mode
- Forgot to Set ENV Vars
- CORS Errors Daily
Performance Optimization
Remove console.logs and compress some images. Lighthouse score goes from 12 to 13.
- Minify (Sometimes)
- Lazy Load Everything
- Cache? Maybe?
- Still Loads Slow
Still Want to Hire Me?
I promise to try my best and only cry during debugging sessions. Your money goes toward therapy and Red Bull.
My Unfinished Projects
A graveyard of half-baked ideas and tutorial follow-alongs. None of these are actually deployed.
Todo List (Again)
My 47th todo app. This one has localStorage and a delete button that sometimes works.
Weather App Clone
Fetches weather from a free API. Crashes when you look at it wrong. Rate limited after 50 requests.
ChatGPT Wrapper #89
Literally just calls OpenAI API with a custom prompt. Cost me $400 in tokens during testing.
Portfolio Website
This website. Built it instead of actually learning to code properly. You are here.
Landing Page Template
Generic landing page I sold for $20. Client never came back. Probably because it breaks on Safari.
Abandoned SaaS Idea
Started building it, realized someone already did it better, quit. Still paying for the domain.
Let's Negotiate
Need a developer who's honest about their limitations? I'll build your project for reasonable rates and won't ghost you (probably).
Send a Message
Availability
I'm accepting any project that pays. Budget too low? We'll make it work. Unrealistic deadline? I'll try. Rent is due and I need this more than you do.